Putting the R in Mrs.

Evening. Spring. Outside. Really?

I think I’ve ruled out the Northern California beach for my April 17 evening wedding. Honestly, that sentence alone explains it. I’ll probably go back on that statement a million times, but it feels like this decision has happened in little pieces from the beginning.

First, there’s the prohibitive cost of having a wedding anywhere in a 200 mile radius of the Bay. Or even further — Santa Barbara, Ventura, it’s all a bit absurd. Even looking at venues that aren’t at the coast, it doesn’t make much of a difference. At least non-coastal venues are more flexible with building your own reception packages, but when their site fees are $5,000 and up, there’s just no way. I am simply not willing to spend that much on a space for four hours, regardless of where or what it is. I’m a bride on a budget. I want a beautiful, meticulously planned event, but I want to put our limited funds where I think they’ll make the biggest impact. I’d much rather rent an inexpensive building and beautify it than spend a fortune on the space and then not be able to afford a single candle or centerpiece.

Second, there’s the timing issue. I want an evening wedding, always have. The lighting is beautiful that time of day, and then the reception lends itself well to twinkle lights and candles and Chinese paper lanterns and all the things I love. Well, every single venue I talked to last weekend (and I mean EVERY one) told me that I’m absolutely out of my mind if I think I can have an evening wedding outside in Pacific Grove or Monterey. The wind starts to pick up around 3 at the very latest. Most outdoor beach weddings are best slated for 1 p.m., they say. They told me that I really need to decide which is more important: beach or time of day. If it’s the beach, aim for 1 p.m. If it’s time of day, have it up in the Carmel Valley hills where you’re further from the water. And all of that is aside from the fact that an evening wedding implies heartier food than I’m serving (or, more specifically, can afford to serve). Dinnerless weddings really ought to end before 5 p.m. or start after 7 p.m.

Third, the beach is probably not as magical as one would imagine. I think of the beach and I think of some lovely, lovely photos from AS Photography and the beautiful colors of the ocean up here — it really is unique to this area and so pretty. But there’s everything else that comes along with it. If it has rained in the 72 hours before the ceremony, I’m likely to get dirt on my shoes and, even worse, the Beautiful Dress. Wavy hair loves to frizz near the ocean. I have to have an inclement weather alternate, and I don’t even thoroughly understand how that works… Do I buy and plan decorations for a venue that I may not even use? And some places charge the full price even if you don’t end up using the venue. People can never hear the officiant or the bride & groom at larger outdoor ceremonies. When we were in Pacific Grove this last time, there were tons of people standing around leering at the ceremony. I would not appreciate that. (Of course, so were we, but we were as far away as possible just taking photos of the area and then making our exit.) Lots of variables completely outside of our control, and that’s always nerve wracking. Maybe outdoor beach wedding at noon in August… But other than that, it’s a gamble.

Fourth — and this is what really tipped me off that maybe the beach isn’t for me — is that nearly all of the photos in my inspiration folder were taken at indoor weddings or receptions. There are the AS Photography ones, which are just stunning and nearly all of them are outdoor, but most of the outdoor photos I’ve seen are not particularly impressive — because of the very things I mentioned before, unpredictable lighting, wind, and so on and so forth.

Undoubtedly, I’ll wake up tomorrow and immediately regret ever having ruled out the beach. But at least for tonight, it’s off the table.

Distance

I read a post on Weddingbee, one of the 30 or so wedding and photography blogs I attempt to follow, about one bride’s long distance relationships — with her bridesmaids:

“As the planning continues I miss them so much. I didn’t realize what it would feel like to bounce ideas about ribbon and candles off of Mr. Pineapple. He cares, but he trusts me and my judgment to the point where I don’t get much constructive feedback. … My super crafty mother is also 1250 miles away. I call her anytime I get an idea and she gives me a few more, but I wish I could be with her and go to the craft store with her, wedding plan with her.”

I’ve been fighting distance myself — with, well, everyone. My three bridesmaids are in three different places, and none of those places are here. Mr. R is a few hundred miles away, and though we’re no strangers to distance — 37 months and counting — ever since we got engaged, my heart aches for us to be closer. My mom, who is also super crafty and is one of my closest friends, is separated from me by an eight hour drive or a shocking number of intricately connecting flights and layovers.

My maid of honor is moving nearby in just a few weeks, which is such a blessing. And this will all start to get easier once we have some of the major, and hugely time-consuming, decisions out of the way — venue, major vendors, etc. But I certainly envy brides who have their FH, bridesmaids and family all in the same place — even if that means everyone is trying to tell them what to do. I could handle a little over-involvement about now.

April 17

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a date! April 17, 2009 — a little less than 11 months from now. Josh booked our honeymoon (and won’t tell me where we’re going) and that set our date. I originally wanted the first day of spring (March 20), but it’s a bit risky to have an outdoor wedding in March anyway. Still TBD on location, but we’re narrowing our list and should have a venue picked in the next week or two.